I am pleased to report the Cult of Urmgosh is no longer a problem. It still exists, but is utterly devoid of a High Priest- who after a spree of excommunications was excommunicated. Also fired.
Not out of a torpedo tube, though the thought crossed some minds.
The Cult of Urmgosh is now reputedly lead by the illustrious Council Of Whoever Happens To Be In The Room At The Time. Or the COWTBITRATT.
I have full confidence in the Cowtbitratt.
Admittedly I have lost a lot of my time for writing here, a grave disappointment. To me, that is. Writing is an excellent hobby to have for one's mental wellbeing, however trite and vapid it may be- though perhaps all the better for the author if they can recognize it as such.
So, instead of ranting about something here I thought I might instead recommend to the internet wanderer another Better Effort wherein I had taken it upon myself to transcribe The Lady of the Fountain.
Though the latest complication again comes from the Cult of Urmgosh. Someone is most certainly starting to take it all a little too seriously.
This goes out to you, the new self-proclaimed High Priest.
According to our records you are one of the newest 'converts' but proclaim that Urmgosh speaks through you and are CLEARLY attempting to construct a power base of 'true believers' to serve your ego-maniacal delusions.
Oh, oh, I get it, I can't KNOW that an eldritch deity of uncertainty isn't in fact speaking through you in vague mumblings that curiously seem to serve your personal agenda- but I am perfectly willing to gamble on it. You, by your own proposed faith, shouldn't be confident in being the 'chosen one'.
This is making me quite regret my tolerance on this issue.
Worse still, it's simply history repeating itself. Someone comes up with a religion, some manipulative megalomaniac professes to be the sole 'enlightened' or 'chosen' one and things go pear-shaped in a hurry.
It happened with the Catholic Church : "We like this Faith in God thing, but what you really need to do is slavishly obey the commands of this guy in a funny hat who speaks with God's authority."
It happened with Islam. "I like this Christianity thing, but as the Chosen one I alone can give you the real book that coincidentally makes me the most important figure in the faith short of God themselves. Who I effectively speak for."
It happened with Mormonism. "I like this Christianity thing, but as the Chosen One I alone can give you the real book that coincidentally makes me the most important figure in the faith short of God themselves. Who I effectively speak for."
I am perfectly fine with Churches and Faith- I have some myself as it happens- but no mortal agency deserves Divine Authority- wherever that supposed Divine Authority comes from.
That you have the nerve to try this with what (may very well be) a whimsical parody deity is utterly unacceptable.
No one is going to be granted tyrannical power based on theological fan fiction in ANY Arketer Labs facility.
And to the odd non-employee reading this, please note it was made quite apparent this individual is not joking, particularly with their attempts to have what they deemed non-true-believers excommunicated from the cult under threat of violence.
Oh, and please trust I mean no offense to the Catholic, Islam and Mormon faiths. I am not pleased with how they have been run historically, but note that over time most have- for the most part- mellowed into benign to outright benevolent agencies.
All too many still go wrong with adherents letting their faith be dictated to them by the most excitable zealot in the room. Naturally I look in particular towards Islamic terrorists and the compound-dwelling 'fundamental' Mormon polygamists.
Please note that the aforementioned faiths are hardly unique in this either. Indeed history is littered instances of faith gone malignant in the service of 'Prophets', 'High Priests' and so on. All too many of this nature are still in operation today, from the should-be-whimsical con artistry of Scientology to the cult of Ramtha to the Prosperity Preachers of non-catholic Christianity such as the Copelands.
I still say we missed our chance to have them prove themselves by shipping them wholesale to Ebola hot zones.
If I am to put up with such foolishness, I insist it at least be innovative foolishness.
I had in mind to post photos of some of my diminutive clay sculptures, but quite frankly I am finding myself reluctant. Oddly nervous about the idea perhaps, because I am acutely aware I am not terribly good at it.
Pondering this dread I was reminded of one of my favorite people to have existed, even while I feel rather bad for them. I speak of course of H.P. Lovecraft, father of Alienist horror.
The rare person who has gone through my blog here knows I am a fan already. Perhaps not of their works directly so much as the humor it has given gruesome birth to. Indeed, I've caught a measure of heat from playing C'thulhu parodies of Christmas Carols over the intercom.
Which I most certainly will not do again. Really such things are why I blame myself for the formation of the Cult of Urmgosh. Or applaud. I still don't know what to think of them myself.
I'm especially uncertain as to whether or not the entire thing is a joke at my expense... Which, if so, I will endure with grace.jerks.
But I digress, I wanted to discuss the man himself.
Born August 20th 1890, Howard Phillips Lovecraft was a sickly child that spent much of his youth home, but put the time to good use reading voraciously. His father was, theoretically, quite insane and eventually died in psychiatric care- which I don't count a certainty as psychiatric care of that period in time was a barbaric farce.
In any case this left li'l HP to be raised by his mother, two aunts and beloved maternal Grandfather Whipple Van Buren Phillips.
I cannot stress strongly enough that their name was Whipple Van Buren Phillips.
Mr. Whipple Van Buren Phillips is credited with introducing li'l HP to Horror Stories, not that they really needed the extra terror given they likely suffered from sleep paralysis and night terrors.
In light of this it's really quite amazing that he was as functional as he was. Nevertheless difficulty with higher mathematics lead him to have a nervous breakdown that prevented him from obtaining a so much as a high school diploma.
I among others can certainly sympathize.
H.P. Lovecraft is controversial in some circles by virtue of the fact that he was a bit of a bigot (though he reputedly adored his cat, named Nigger-Man and in fact had a few gay, jewish and gay jewish friends, though it is unknown if they knew his views or his theirs) There is no rational reason to loath him on this point first off because he is quite dead and beyond caring. Furthermore given the time period he lived in, precious few people weren't- making it rather silly to single him out.
What he does deserve credit for on this point is that his racism and homophobia played nicely into his alienist horror writings providing- I think- a rather novel insight. What I particularly note is that in many of his works there are people who upon 'understanding' alien threats promptly go insane.
Imagine if you grew up being taught to fear foreigners, but then some friends of yours make some foreigner friends! They tell you they're perfectly nice people, really more or less the same as you. But that is visibly false to you. They speak funny, they have different color skin, they do weird butt-stuff, they are ALIEN. What has become of your friend?! THEY MUST HAVE GONE INSANE!
Another reason not to hate H.P. besides the utterly futility of it was that the man's fears rendered him entirely self-punishing. Mr. Lovecraft so feared the unfamiliar that when opportunity knocked- he hid in the closet and pretended not to be at home.
Specifically he was offered the Editorship of Weird Tales, a publication he had submitted his stories to at length and declined because it would have required moving to Chicago. The Editorship was then given to an author whom Mr. Lovecraft had made an enemy of with his criticisms. Unfortunately said enemy, one Mr. Farnsworth Wright, was not above using his position to spite Mr. Lovecraft.
Needless, given the misery Mr. Lovecraft already endured.
Though he ultimately died miserable and poor, a joke and cautionary tale for the most part, there was some good news for Mr. Lovecraft when he was reincarnated as Stephen Colbert.
Also his name will be remembered long after most of ours will, being a legendary author. Personally I think being reincarnated as Stephen Colbert is the better deal, assuming Stephen Colbert is any less miserable personally. I could hardly know, I've never met them. Still, one hopes for the best.
Now that 2015 is officially over it is time for your year-beginning summary, random person on the internet!
Unnecessary calories taken in via bagged snacks : 0
Hours of important work done : 0
Hours slept : 6-10
Hours spent watching hardcore po-
GW2secrets is making an early start this year, apparently. Censorship courtesy of Filth Frank, however unknowingly.
I have just been informed that no one wants to know.
The overall summary however is that while very little to nothing has been accomplished so far this year, your present handle on personal vices is exceptional for the time being. Good luck with that!
The past year has been quite the roller coaster. Congratulations once again to absolutely everyone for managing to survive it. Naturally, it was not a certainty. If you did not survive it, please stop haunting my mediocre blog ghost. Unless of course you are Terry Pratchett, in which case it would be an honor.
Personally I will miss Terry Pratchett the most, despite never strictly speaking having known them beyond their writings.
Aside of the book "Pyramids", which was rather cavalier regarding the topic of noble inbreeding (really, Mr. Pratchett should have known better than to ENCOURAGE them) I have found almost all of them to be absolute treasures that deserve to be remembered well for a long time to come.
Other notable losses to the inevitable march of time include Horror Master Wes Craven and Saruman.
Christopher Lee did actually pass on though, and will be fondly remembered by many.
But enough about the deceased! It's a new year and indeed time to get busy living!
