Seven Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Dog #7

Who here hasn't been playing with the family pet only to be suddenly seized with a bizzare compulsion to say horrible things to it in a happy patronizing tone of voice secure in the knowledge the dog has not been genetically modified to have a full understanding of your chosen language?

Next time this compulsion strikes, weirdo, try these seven utterly inappropriate things you probably shouldn't say to your pet, but can totally get away with because they only barely understand your tone of voice and physical gestures!

#7: "Who's a filthy slutmongrel? You are!"

This one is not mine, exactly...

 "Dat's right! Look at you, you shameless hussy! You're probably just running around out there, banging mutts left and right! You have no concept of monogamy, whorehound! Have a biscuit, skank!"

If your dog could understand any of this, it would be justly horrified and offended by your mix of vile, hateful terms and statements of the obvious. However your reasons for (if you are responsible) having had it spayed would have seemed to become all the more horrifyingly apparent.

Seven Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Dog #6